（这些文章的作者大概都是单性繁殖的吧！！！）
Ten things to remember when coping with the contradictory reality of mom guilt.
十项心理建设，击退"妈妈内疚感"
A unifying theme of motherhood is guilt. We all feel it, react to it, and sometimes perpetuate it. No matter what choices we make about childcare—stay at home, work part-time, or pursue a full-time career—we aren’t immune to the nagging feeling that we could do better by our kids.
关于母亲角色，有一个普遍的主题，即内疚感”。我们都存有这种内疚感、都在以不同方式应对这种内疚感、有时会助长扩散这种内疚感。无论我们选择怎样的育儿方式—全职妈妈、兼职工作、全职工作，我们内心都有个声音不断在提醒我们：我们对孩子做的还不够好。
Of course, mom guilt can be a good thing if it serves as a gentle reminder that our actions toward our children matter. Guilt, or what I like to describe as a healthy conscience, can be useful if it inspires more productive involvement or a sincere apology, or if it helps us bite our tongue. But if guilt is your primary emotion, overriding feelings of pride, affection, and empathy, it can negatively impact your parenting.
当然，如果这种内疚感会柔和提醒你：我们对孩子的行为对孩子而言非常重要，那么这种内疚感就是有益的。内疚感，如果源于一种健康的良知，如果它能带来更多有益的参与、或一个真诚的道歉，或遏制恶语相向的冲动，那么就会非常有用。
但如果内疚已经成为你的最主要情感，凌驾于你的自尊、爱意和同理心之上，那么它对你的育儿方式就会产生负面影响。
Karen Kleiman writes, Guilt is so pervasive that many mothers, particularly those who are depressed, presume it is a natural part of mothering, one that is inescapable in this day and age.” Mother guilt starts during pregnancy and continues to rear its ugly head at home, work, and in society in general.
Karen Kleiman写到：内疚感是如此的无处不在，以至于很多母亲，尤其是患有抑郁症的母亲们，已经将内疚感视为母亲角色的自然而然的一个要素，视为当今时代只要作为母亲，就无法逃脱的一个要素。”妈妈内疚感始于孕期，之后在家庭、工作、社会中会继续兴风作浪。
So-called experts—as well as plenty of amateurs—like to point out perceived flaws in moms, saying we’re too free-range, too tiger mom, too pushy, too controlling, etc. And because we love our children so fiercely, we’re susceptible to second-guessing and ongoing regret.
一些所谓的专家们，还有大量的业余者们，喜欢指出母亲们的各种缺点，说我们太散养、太虎妈、太鸡血、太有控制欲等，而由于我们太爱我们的孩子，以至于我们常常陷于自我质疑、不断懊悔之中。
In fact, we are especially vulnerable because we want to believe that we have influence over our children and that our behavior makes a difference. Thus, mom guilt becomes a balancing act of coping with these internal and external feelings of guilt that only serve us well if we keep them at bay.
实际上，我们之所以如此易于受到影响，是因为我们想要相信我们对孩子存有影响力、我们的一言一行都会对孩子产生重大影响。因此，妈妈内疚感就成为了一种需要在内在内疚感与外在内疚感之间巧妙掌握平衡的行为，我们只有遏制住这些内疚感，才能将其善用。
Here are 10 considerations to keep mother guilt in check:
以下是遏制妈妈内疚感的十种心理建设方式：
1Guilt is not a powerful or joyful place to parent from. Solid parenting isn’t about always worrying whether you’re doing the right thing. Decide what kind of parent you want to be, establish your signature boundaries, and parent with confidence. If something isn’t working, reassess and move forward. Hand-wringing and regret undermine your power and make children feel less secure.
1. 内疚感并非一个强大或快乐的母爱源泉。良好的育儿方式并非总是意味着你需要不断质疑自己做的对不对。决定你想要成为哪种母亲，设立你想要做的规矩（界限），并对自己的育儿方式充满自信。如果有些地方不奏效，那么就重新评估调整、继续前行。痛苦与悔恨感只会侵蚀你的力量，并会让降低孩子的安全感。
2Children like to contribute to your feelings of guilt. They will point out how other moms are better or try to make you feel bad about your rules. That’s normal! Don’t lose confidence just because a kid is testing you. That’s part of growing up. My son likes to remind me of the time I was so frustrated I threw a bag of baby carrots at him. This happened over a decade ago, and the story gets more dramatic every year. You would have thought I’d thrown giant carrots with razor-sharp edges!
2. 孩子们很喜欢触发你的内疚感。他们会攀比说其他妈妈比你好，或试图让你去质疑自己设定的规则。这是正常的！不要只是因为一个孩子在试探你，你就丧失自信。这是孩子成长过程的自然现象。我儿子总是喜欢提醒我有一次我太生气了，把一袋水果胡萝卜扔到他身上。这件事过去都十多年了，而且他每次翻旧账时，都会讲得一次比一次夸张。感觉就好像当年我扔的是边缘锋利的巨大胡萝卜！
3Your child will face tough times and challenges no matter what. You could be the best mom in the world (whatever that means), but you can’t protect your child 24/7. If something bad happens, beating yourself up might get in the way of being a strong ally. Acknowledge your pain but then strategize to help your child without guilt.
3. 无论怎样，你的孩子总会面对困难和挑战。你可能会是世界上最好的妈妈（不管什么方法），但你却没办法全年无休全天候地保护你的孩子。如果发生不好的事情时，你一味自责，可能会阻碍你成为孩子的坚强盟友。接纳你的痛苦难受，但同时思考应对策略，摒弃内疚感，去帮助你的孩子度过难关。
4 Forgive yourself. If you’ve ever been in therapy, you’re aware that mothering is under a psychological microscope. But you will also note that therapy usually reveals that a mother tried her best given particular conditions and experiences. Afford yourself the same analysis. Sure, you might have handled a situation more effectively, but instead of self-blame, try self-empathy. Compassion is a much healthier emotion. Sometimes I wish I could give a younger version of myself a pep talk, especially during the toddler years! I would tell that young mom, It’s OK—your children are going to be fine!”
4. 原谅自己。如果你曾接受过心理治疗，你就会知道母亲角色一直都是被置于心理显微镜之下的。但你还会知道，心理治疗过程中，通常发现，考虑到其既有条件与个人经历，这位母亲其实已经竭尽全力。那么，也试着给你自己这样的分析。诚然，在某件事上，你本可以处理得更好，但相对于自我谴责，尝试自我共情”。同情是一种更为健康的情感。有时候我希望我能回到过去，给当年的自己打把气，尤其是孩子两三岁时，我想要告诉当年那个年轻的妈妈：没关系的，孩子会没事的。
5 Being a perfect mom isn’t always best for the kids. It’s OK for your kids to see you struggle and express negative emotion. Don’t let mom guilt remove important opportunities to develop empathy and understanding. With my children, I’m honest about hurt feelings and when I’ve had a hard day. Talking about our feelings helps build their emotional intelligence. It also shows them that we don’t always have to be models of emotional perfection. This can be liberating for all!
5. 完美的母亲，对孩子来说并不一定总是最好。让孩子看到你挣扎于、表达负面情绪，是没关系的。不要让妈妈内疚感”抹杀建立同理心和谅解之心的重要机会。当我一天过得不顺利，或感到受伤时，我会坦诚告诉我的孩子们。谈论我们自身的感受，有助于发展他们的情商。同时也向他们展示，我们并不必总要扮演完美情绪控制典范的角色。这对所有母亲而言，都意味着解放！
6Share your guilty feelings. Whether it’s with a spouse, therapist, or a friend, it’s useful to analyze why you feel guilt over a specific situation or why guilt crops up so often. More often than not, a sympathetic ear helps put our guilt into perspective. And by sharing, we moms begin to recognize that unrealistic expectations are the root of our collective mom guilt.
6. 向别人倾诉你的内疚感。无论是向丈夫、心理治疗师、或朋友，分析你为什么会对某个特定情形感到内疚，或为什么内疚感频繁产生，都是很有用的。通常，一双同情的耳朵，有助于让我们客观审视我们的内疚感。通过倾诉，母亲们会开始认识到，不切实际的期望，是妈妈内疚感这一普遍现象的根源所在。
7Don’t believe everything you read. Be attentive and skeptical of articles and advice that place the blame on moms and moms only. A summary of research over the last few decades shows that moms are blamed too often. If we believe everything we read, it’s impossible to parent consistently because there’s so much contradictory information. Don’t switch with the trends or feel bad if the latest trend isn’t your style. Just be yourself and do you.
7. 尽信书不如无书。对于将所有责任都推到妈妈身上的文章和建议，保持谨慎与质疑。对过去几十年的调查显示，妈妈们过于频繁地受到指责。如果我们完全照本宣科，那么就无法一以贯之地教养孩子了，因为有很多相互矛盾的观点信息。不要随着潮流改变你的育儿方式，而且，如果最新的育儿潮流与你的育儿风格相异，也不要感到难过。做你自己就好。
8Trust your instincts. Guilt can squelch your ability to stay the course. You know your child best. Is a teacher or friend questioning your choices? Don’t assume they are on target. Stay open to feedback and new ideas, but not to the point where you go against your heart.
8. 相信直觉。内疚感会导致你无法坚定自己的道路。你是最了解你的孩子的。是不是有老师或朋友质疑你的选择？不要就轻信她们说的是对的。对反馈意见和新的想法保持开放心态，但也不要违背自己的内心。
9 Choose proactive reactions. Some of us feel guilty for physical or psychological traits we pass on to our kids. This is a real waste of time! Instead of focusing on the fact that Jr. got your bad feet or ADHD, be a great role model and show them how to cope with these challenges. We can’t choose what our children inherit, but we can choose how we react.
9. 选择主动应对。一些母亲会内疚于自己遗传给孩子的一些身体或心理特征。这完全是在浪费时间！相对于天天内疚孩子遗传了你的难看的脚或多动症，还不如以身作则，向他们展示如何去应对这些挑战。我们无法选择孩子遗传些什么，但我们可以选择如何应对。
10Love is the key. If you parent from a place of love—and I know you do—then guilt should be a small piece of a larger puzzle. Society might want to place mom guilt front and center, but we as mothers don’t have to accept this. Motherhood is hard enough. Let’s do our part as mothers and allies to cast off the guilt and help moms parent with love, pride, and confidence. This means honoring and supporting each other as we raise our children.
10. 爱，是关键。如果你的教养方式是源于你对孩子的爱——我相信你也的确如此——那么内疚感应该只是你所面临的诸多问题之一而已。整个社会可能想要将母亲推向风口浪尖，但我们并不一定就要接受！母亲这一角色，本来就困难重重了。让我们以母亲和同盟者的身份，各尽一份力，击退内疚感、帮助母亲们充满爱意、自豪和自信地养育孩子。这意味着，当我们养育孩子时，各位母亲之间，互相尊重，互相支持！
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